I shared a post on my Instagram in December of 2023 that shared how I feel about change. I love change. I love being a different person than I was a year ago, 2 years ago, 5 years ago. I love the ever evolving state of life. But sometimes it’s daunting.
I recently got engaged (yay!) and looking over the next year or so, there’s going to be a lot that happens. We have to plan a wedding, take time off, plan a honeymoon, etc. It is such an exciting time! But it is also one where I’m left looking at everything that has changed.
There are two women that I consider my soul mates. And we were the three best friends that I could have ever hoped for. Growing up I never had a definitive best friend or group of friends. I moved from group to group, being friends with mostly everyone, but I never had a solid group. One thing I’ve always longed for was a best friend. Someone that I could count on, someone that loved me as fiercely as I loved everyone else. I didn’t meet her until I started my first job. It was like I met the sister I never had. We had so much in common and it was exciting to have someone that I could relate to in ways I never had. And then we met our other friend and we all just clicked. Our humor was the same, same belief system, and we called each other our “best ladies”. Things happen and times change, and with all that change - I lost my friendship with one of my best ladies. We still occasionally talk, but it’s not the same. And thinking that only one of them will be at my wedding makes me uncontrollably sad.
I remember speaking to my therapist about it. She looked at me saying, “But this not what you pictured - and you’re allowed to be upset about that.”
You’re allowed to feel your feelings. You’re allowed to feel upset or hurt or angry at change. It’s the same as me looking around my childhood bedroom, knowing that in a year and a half I will pack up and move into my own home with my future husband. It is scary. But I have to know that God will provide and God uses His hand in all that change. He uses all things for His glory.
I mean, even Kim Namjoon said “things change, people change, everything change.” I think it’s just letting that change flow through you versus trying to block the change, that is the difference. That’s how you embrace change.